So this is what happened…

I was almost killed, nearly.beaten to death in a McDonald’s parking lot in February of this year. This violent assault  resulted in brain trauma and amnesia  and as such. White memorial hospital really fucked up – but that’s a whole nother story 

Then the city terrace chop shop experience.

And my wonderful nonexistent friends – in this city that is. The subpar producers whose jobs I protected and mortgages I assisted the payment of – as I endured slander that didn’t even have the balls to say it to my face. And anyone who knows me which is turning be under 5 maybe including ducks and dogs, anyone knows there’s no way I could have accomplished all the things of which I stand accused- from the pile of cocaine like scarface to the Keith Richards consumption of inebriants apparently chronicled by Dave Oliver and Justin Steinberg who actually are complete liars who were also malicious for some reason. Then there’s the complete scumbags jay and Jamie who just boggle the mind when you realize they went out of their way to hurt me never once show compassion or comraderie I. A world sorely needing some basic acknowledge that being In the trenches mattered.

To think I was such a fool I actually cared that I had your back Jamie when you were incompetent, sniveling and under-handed. Hard working but weak minded. Kiss ass who couldn’t accept loyalty and friendship how sad. How telling that he’s still head of Sony prodding and poking the zeitgeist for some clue as to why they think he knows what he’s doing. On top of being stupid, to have no morals is well that’s the course of de jour. [idiotic repetition intentional] 
So there you have it 

Race to the bottom 

He was aquatic 

She, nomadic 

  • Theirs, a Predestined affinity 
  • for perishing

Refer unsung heroes
ever since 

then,

I knew mine was 

a life 

word bullons 

crude 

Contraband hush puppies 

Heroin””””””(filled) burritos 

Snuggling  so you don’t  (to?) have sharp objects on you when your spouse 

With That I think I’ll 

  • Preordained misery
  • Already knew 
  • Always, 
  • that 

Chironectes minimum

of South America


Ominous Rex

The ambient creature 

within its own midst 

Manages 

to kill 

the 

vulnerable 

Parts of itself 

So there is no more 

weakness 

for what is yet to come 

ㅠ.ㅠ

Took the moon from you

Like it was a curtain

lifted 

so you could see

your adoring fans again 

My love

He was her Quasimodo 

she was his bat in a belfry 
They were all they needed 

in life 

that was one realization

she could have  

used  20 years ago 

Katnandu

I don’t have much left 

to so or do  

So i might aS 

a precautionary measure —-

A counter-feasibility study on God 

Because all tend to agree 

Microwaves  are necessary 

evils

Now it’s not just the great but termites bite 

Ode to the 21 year old always bumming smokes 

You can’t wait Til you’re the only one talking
Yet you’ve got nothing to say

Because you have yet to really live 

Go In silence 

And listen to the world

Seek your own truth

You will need to know it 

in the times ahead 

There is nothing like failure 

to keep reminding you of

the lateral disappointment 

of the many in-between

Entanglements  

Just in case 

Oh why not


How could you?

Who am I?

Who do I act like I am, who do I think I am? Who knows. I don’t generally think about that. I think about all the things I could have done had things not gone so horribly awry, repeatedly, on a regular basis, so that the one truth I hold to be self-evident is it can always get worse…


contribution
beauty

2:

  • There are no rules to suffering.
  • Then, by default, there is no God to ameliorate that pain.

Don’t read this 

I used to give 5 bucks to the police fund coz I thought maybe 25% were good. Now I can honestly say maybe 14 cops in the entire country aren’t evil sadisric liars. 

There is no we the people anymore 

The police act hostile immediately. There is no investigation. They can bring four officers to your door, lie (repeatedly), ask you o step outside to answer a few questions. You comply, wondering what this could possibly be about. 
You are not asked any questions but are told to face the wall and put your hands behind your back. When you plead why are you dong this? They threaten: I’m going to charge you with resisting arrest.
You are told they are putting you in an air conditioned squad car but instead tighten your handcuffs and throw you into the plastic seat of a patrol car (there are now 4-6 back up cars and many people bullying you with no communication other than this woman says you did his so if she makes a possible identification , you’re gone. 
What if she is lying? You want to be charged with resisting arrest?

The backseat is not only air conditioned so you would fee more comfortable (I’m having ho flashes and pretty upset by now as I was to fly out to a funeral) and put me in a hot car and then roll up the windows.

About a minute later when I start to feel sick, I move in the back i try to help my writers stop stinging because now I’m so hot I’m feeling like I’m going to have a panic attack and my handcuffs are cutting into my wrists so much I’m crying – the female officer approaches aggressively to bark at me what are you doing? In an accusatory voice. In a hot car with Windows rolled up.

It gets better.
I was completely stripped of my rights and punished the maximum for a crime I did no commit. I used to see both sides and feel like there were some good cops. Now I must revise my opinion and say th police are definitely against us and they are mostly sadistic, not emotionally intelligent (if at all) enough to handle normal conversational speech — they attack and say you can’t ask them that, and then threaten you always .

 They are clearly worst to the blacks by far, then any white person (only women were prisoners that night) gets treated worse than that because there are less of you and they think you’re scum – most were elderly mentally ill homeless women, and a woman wins warrant- there were no Latina women and very few Latino men. The men were mostly black and one disoriented little old Asian man who asked for meditation and was denied as as he walked away the staff made fun of him.

They make fun of every inmate. They “assume” you’re guilty. There’s a code you can’t decipher but know exists – I was on the treat like shit List for sure.
More details on the lovely metro inmate center where you cannot get any information because each department says it has to be wait to be called from the other department. No one can ask anything. They have a sadistic procedure in place to maximize sociopathic behavior of the police force.
I am now going to have to go to court and sue for a crime I did not commit. I caninky assume the woman who aggressively provoked me then was able to get the police to immediately treat me as if I were whitey bulger is 1-she knows someone in the LAPD; 2-she and the management company ar behind a recurring problem in my building.

So yay I get to sue another slulord and deal with a psychotic horrifyingly ugly person (the kind who are mean about their appearance and lack of anything but being a bully) who is my neighbor.

Do I get a restraining order?

And today, on top of all that, my favorite uncle who I adored died. I was supposed to fly out to see the family and would be there had I not been arrested and held for 36 hours for a crime I did not commit.
Another reason I wonder why I’m even here. I’m adopted. I was a mistake. My career ‘so over thanks to people who illegally terminated me. I could no have children so as a woman I am Considered barren, lesser, irrelevant . Plus no kids, no one cares when you die. I’m a failure after all and my spirit is broken. 

I need to find the money to go to this funeral since the police brutality and expense has wiped out all the money I had.
I am a doomed human being. I wish I had never been here on this plane of human suffering and people who betray you, aren’t your friends, can’t even pick you up off the street where they dump you at 130 am downtown LA. Real nice guys. Fake friends. Worse than that. They steal from you when you’re Down. That’s my weekend .
I’m at my wits end now and Need to find a way o New Hampshire right away

zuni
four corners

First end 

Game’s end 

Almost Neared 

We headed Out 
Ample proof 

Just happenstance 

fluctuating 

circumventing 

Our distance 

Threshold
You soar

~across the sky 

to look me 

In the eye 

Ikeep saying you want 

petrified 

like Wood

Scared 

Stiff 

Still 

  1. life 
  2. With woodpecker 
  3. A fly 
  4. Or Fad
  5. Gadfly 
  6. On the 
  7. Prowl 
  8. muse of song 
  9. mystic maker