Last Wednesday in March

March 29th, a Wednesday, idol march, marching tides of woe spread across the land and so..

 

With all that I have been through lately, not more than some, less than others, on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst pain you have experienced, I guess being unconscious technically gives you a 9.7 or something because you don’t know it’s pain, it’s in and out of who you are and what they’re trying to take from you. In this case, my life.

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And that is the problem I face as I go through each day, with noises startling, except here, ironically, across from the UPS Delivery hub and near the brewery with its famous artist buttressing the 5 Freeway which always feels like it leads out of this place, whereas the others bury you right by the side of the road where they found you.

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It’s hard to have hope and faith when for the past 8 1/2  (one of my favorite Fellini movies) months, I have been consistently victimized by the system, which my frontier nature hates to say, I don’t believe in that, but it’s happened from a hostile neighbor to an illegally operating management company to the police themselves, twice now, once being tossed in jail for no reason and then treated as if I were some most wanted criminal because, quite simply, I was white. They will never say this or let it be told, everyone hates the dying race so much, they think it’s okay to be hating, berating and almost killing us – for the ‘sins of our fathers’ — they think it’s okay to destroy our lives, for no apparent reason, these are not people we even know, no crime of passion, no well-orchestrated specific reason to be brutalized over and over again except those of race and gender.)

The lawyer who committed slander, defamation of character, malicious intent and actually lied publicly in a harmful manner, deliberately trying to harm us by preventing us access to housing when we did nothing that she claims but because I was beaten and barely alive, could not do anything but try to recover for many many days and weeks and then someone lies and causes strife, illegally, a lawyer? Not such a great track record for our legal system from enforcement through supposed guardians of justice.

 The Sheriffs who detained us for picking up my own car because the tow yard is a chop shop about a mile from where I got beaten within an inch of my life, while trying to get a burger at McDonald’s. Who witnessed this? Why did the hospital then not call the police but told me they thought I was drunk so they just let me wait, and never questioned why my supposed husband never said he would be back or seemed to care if I actually woke up–somehow I did. I still have the stitches. The bruises are mostly gone. The head trauma, alas, will be with me longer, if not forever.

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The nerve damage done by LAPD and that first fiasco was permanent to my hands but this last beating and the hospital’s irresponsible treatment of me (all because I was unconscious — no one thought to consider that perhaps I was not drunk but had been harmed in some way maybe a car accident hit and run, as I thought, until we heard the recording of my call to my partner, which I still can’t bear to listen to, 6 weeks later…I cannot bear to hear it, it is too traumatic, still, overwhelming in the shadow of the past eight and a half months of consistent persecution — and for what reason? Who knows, if there even is one. Those who blame the victim always seek to find a way to plant their evidence on you, to keep their corrupt privilege operating without you in the way, or they just beat a woman almost to death in a parking lot for no apparent reason).

This is the first I have written of this publicly and some of you know or I tried to tell but you simply didn’t believe me or thought oh there she goes again, I seem to have the worst luck, maybe or you have already written me off for my freelance career and struggles to survive in a world that just was not ready for me. I was certainly ready to make my mark, a positive one, to live in peace and contribute positively to this world. That is all I seek and have ever sought. I don’t know how far I will get in that path as I am overwhelmed and exhausted each day, “just not the same” those around me notice, and for that I am pained, mentally, knowing ‘what has happened to me…’

To reiterate: around the third week of February the night before checking out of a very strange airbnb experience, I was severely beaten in a McDonald’s parking lot in the early evening hours and taken to White Memorial Hospital, who broke protocol at every turn, never even reporting my near-fatal ‘accident’ (accidental beating???) to the police, which is actually the law.

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I am invisible (adoptees know that), and expendable (the ‘film and television industry’ taught me that, after working with the most unloyal f-%$s you can imagine, and very few ‘friends,’ who actually have a soul in this town, I realized way too late) but now I feel destructible, worn-down, beaten up, tired, sad, soul-tired, suicidal on occasions but from existential nihilism more than any other specific, so don’t worry, I never do it, I love life and butterflies and the earth way too much, and I am just now trying to recover.

Please be kind. Please if you know me don’t use my honesty against me. I am just a human, trying to survive after someone speaking spanish probably two men, it sounded nicaraguan, beat me within an inch of my life near my car, which was impounded for $ 1,395 (all tow yards in Los Angeles say we were fleeced) and they called the sheriffs, who of course illegally searched us, what else do they do?

 

I suppose this is my statement since no police officer has ever asked. I have yet to see a judge. My case is a rare form known as a wobbler. Murderers and rapists are given the right to swift hearing but not the victim of police brutality.  This is the story of the past eight and a half months of my life, since last July.

 

Namaste, be well, my nerves are telling me to quit, the nerves in my hands, always from numb to pain now thanks to LAPD RAMPART back in July 2016.

 

Katherine E. Walker

born 1965 Cleveland, Ohio adopted 6 weeks later, my birthname we think is Turner

 

Just like Sister Ray says 

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse used by narcissists in order to instill in their victim’s an extreme sense of anxiety and confusion to the point where they no longer trust their own memory, perception or judgment. The techniques used in “Gaslighting” by the narcissist are similar to those used in brainwashing, interrogation, and torture that have been used in psychological warfare by intelligence operative, law enforcement and other forces for decades.

  1. Generation Gaslight

just got back from California 

said she couldn’t stand the weather 

Theolonius smiled. He didn’t need weather.


They’re busy waiting for her Sailor

Who’s dressed in pink and leather

He’s just here from Alabama

He wants to know a way to earn a dollar

-VU

So they hit THE ROAD, not in any Kerouac kind of way, they had no ride-the-rails illusions and the gas shortage meant they’d have to improvise. 

Ah, you shouldn’t do that

And by the way you’ve got a dollar

See both of them said at the same time, not much has really changed. They’re still killing off little old ladies who were on the grassy knoll when Kennedy was killed, they’re still working the slaves to death, throwing them in jail for disagreeing, sedate the masses with promises of dreams no one will ever see, because they are fairy tales meant to coerce you into believing they are the one who will protect you because you belong to the nation of your birth. The nation that your ancestors came to, exploited, innovated, re-fashioned into a place where, in theory, we hold these truths to be self-evident. 


What is evident is much of what the founders of this country warned us about is already happening.

We are, however, a nation of arguing points of view (the federalist v the agrarian states debates involved loaded weapons back in the day of our supposedly “perfect” founding fathers, who were so making money off whiskey distilling that farmers lead an armed rebellion against George Washington and his white horse) and ultimately, sworn to uphold the principles of tolerance for others’ beliefs, due process before the law (aka not condemning an entire “class,” “ethnicity,” “sexual orientation”   to a blanket allegation based on rage.

A rage that has been festering since we realized we were the first generation to definitely be worse off than our parents. 

The baby boomers consumed everything, gave us crack, suburban sprawl and a well-designed system of selling off America while those who hold the noose laugh all the way to the bank that will be bailed out by the same guy (Greenspan? What a joke! His name tells us greed span as he also orchestrated the financial structure of the 2008 housing crisis). “No one doesn’t pay their mortgage.” Well, now most of us can’t even afford to buy a house on the average median working schmuck wage. 

Factor in the COLA (cost of living),  a magical supply and demand of oil (but not much of a savings passed onto you because our economy demands big corporations  gouge you whenever possible) and interest rates dispensed by royal decree of the green man behind the curtain. 
There are always other options. They won’t tell you on the news and half “the internet of things” is a bot marketing clusterfuck. The deep web is a labyrinth of obsessive rules, who needs to get in trouble with some reddit moderator on a subject that they feel is theirs alone. Or the dark web which I imagine is a constant loop of anonymous hacking the military industrial complex that supplies the fanatics with the weapons of genocide. That and people getting off on hurting others, and generally all the things that make you hang your head in shame as a living human being.

I don’t even think,  “Aren’t we better than this?” as I might twenty-five years ago. 

Do I think we are worse than before? In some ways, most definitely, we’ve regressed. But for the most part I think it’s up to us to stay focused on a people that is this country, a better way to fix things than turning in on ourselves. We are going to need to be united to deal with the future. Iran, N. Korea, Putin, ISIS, your friendly neighborhood cartel and citizen serial killer. 

The dangers are always there. There’s always a new plague, a crisis in Africa & the Middle East (by design & set in motion many years before we were born), gang vengeance, conquerors and bullies. 

There also appear to have always been caregivers, healers, growers of food, teachers, storytellers, inventors, hunters, warriors, shamans and enough people to carry forth knowledge that helps us, humans, the ones who live on this planet we treat like a sewer, around fellow humans we treat like somehow not as good as we are – not as hard working, honest, deserving, and worthy as my kind. 

Tribal Cro-Magnon rock paintings is about all we have to show for this anomaly of a species: the cocky, not very bright, petty, self-destructive,  devious, gluttonous, short-sighted excuse for a species. 
Imagine how far we could have evolved without the oppression of 99% of our man-made religious institutions (if they’d let Galileo be the genius he was instead of keeping him under house arrest because THE CHURCH said the earth was flat). 
I doubt a chimpanzee would ignore that kind of leap in information that can help advance your collective group (Noah’s Arc for those who still can’t reconcile scientific thought, math, survival skills and spiritual wonder). Bed bugs, cockroaches, rats and fleas have adapted quite brilliantly, yet they are “vile creatures.” 
These are the best of times

These are the worst of times 

Just like sister Ray said