“fourth street”

Burnout has been recognized as an official disorder by the World Health Organization. It affects your ability to work [and] your emotions about work.

If that’s the case, I’m entering a period of remission.

Hear me purr.

I’m fragile – don’t let the faint bravado fool you. Scared shitless as they say. A bit apprehensive and a tad overwhelmed to Queen Elizabeth with a spot of tea. I still am horribly polite.

Loaded biased toward a particular outcome, bearing a load, especially a large one

Or the fourth studio album by American rock band the Velvet Underground, released in November 1970 by Atlantic

Who loves the sun?

Burdens like a loaded

Freight train

What gifts would you like to develop

What gifts would you like to develop

“the turn”

an NBA team has never gone an entire quarter without scoring a point.

Take Note of Your Body Language

Ask for company turnover [data] and turnover [data] for that individual manager.

This guy:

  • Inability to handle any confrontation or assertion that there might be another way to do something, even if they brag about their “open door policy.”

Or this chick:

  • If you are need of constant admiration, will cut you when they do not feel appropriately admired, or feel otherwise shamed, humiliated, or disrespected.

Raise your hands if you know this next monster!

  • The Narcissist Bossiere

Don’t let those flannel shirts fool you, this guy can walk into any boardroom with the same aplomb he chops some wood at his cabin in Maine before cooking fresh trout for breakfast. Dave, Jai, Jym, Jin or Jamee – all the same. Great guys until they’re not.

Warning signs –

  • extremely competitive, with the people who work for them, people on their lateral level, or their superiors.
  • Self-Absorption
  • Extreme Friendliness: aka fake
  • Word Choice sets up a dynamic that can raise or lower the energy in a room. If they begin every sentence with a negative message and then try to diffuse it somewhat, it is likely that negativity prevails in their life and carries over into work.
  • stress level telegraphed to everyone in the department- you know the kind, blames you for solutions, misses the dysfunction when it’s gone oft n refered to as drama junkies.

How did we get here?

Um no thank you.

Ya sure?

incredulous at sanity

Ya. Sure.

He returned to Oslo. Killed 77 people while they wept.

You have to tune it out or else go insane, she said, Mona of Numbers and manners from letters.

She sighed. She was not a profiteering overseer and yet she gained innumerable margin from the inevitable failing called death, the suffering of the many at the hands of the few and the way poverty and exploitation of wealth can predict up to a point the ability to express a capacity for love, supporting another being – acknowledging the miracle that is life – this was a given.

She woke up in hell – the job interview.

Job and job

Suffering without uttering one complaint

What most people don’t understand is bench players do influence the outcome of the game greatly

And yet

Here we are

The Infinite Game


Birth parents

Today is my 54th birthday. On this day, a Friday in 1965, my mother gave birth to me, the records say, at the Cleveland Clinic in the holy hour (3-4 a.m.).

She was 16, my birth father, 17.

From what I could tell from the “non-identifying” information I was charged $50 for when I was 23,

Seemingly, I had more in common with my father. Height, basketball, class president, a penchant for trains. My mother, who sacrificed a semester to deal with me, was fond of camping and played a musical instrument.

The Children Services letterhead, since the Red Feather agency (I think that was the name) had long since disbanded adding yet another level of erasure to my already amorphous existential origin- the letterhead and contents of this letter are all I have of my heritage, my genealogy, my DNA. Who you would say I am.

Always watched but never seen

Records of our days, cataloged with no sentiment allowed to obscure the meta data (subjective conjecture need not apply) dot the landscape, forming an infinite grid of mortality.

Mortal implies limits, so an infinite grid of solely self-aware beings, our qualia, in particular, not involving anyone or anything else, carries each individual’s uniqueness, believing we are the onliest as our way of coping with the fact that as far as we know, this existence is finite.

I tell you bout the onliest man I knowed come from Virginia.

Self-awareness consciously knows and understands character, feelings, motives, and desires.

feelings, motives, and desires.

There are two broad categories of self-awareness: internal self-awareness and external self-awareness.[3]

External self v Internal self

These mean very different things to you and me.

You see, by our society’s standards, I have no reference for the internal kind. Everything I got I learned without the leg up of familiar tradition, unspoken understanding and qualifying acceptance. In a way, I’ve always had to prove I am not a mistake even though clearly that is all I amounted to in the end, a foolish mistake for my mother to regret.

For some adoptees, particularly those who’ve experienced early childhood trauma such as neglect or abuse, it may be difficult to form emotional bonds. Some studies suggest that adoptees may also be at higher risk for depression, anxiety, learning disabilities, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or substance abuse.

Me at 22 in NZ

This started as a very different piece but between the narcissist showing me his drawing without caring about my writing kind of interrupted the flow.

The fact that I can’t really ever relax or do something mildly extravagant because I can never seem to get ahead, I’m terrible at getting reimbursed and in general, there are a million things I want to do, see, hear, and learn and chasing down the ability to just survive (it’s been that way for 20 years in the film and television industry) isn’t really my thing-the fact that I can’t really celebrate isn’t where I had hoped to be by now.

I’m tired. Tired of this particular existence that, the longer I live, seems more and more futile. Everything we were told was either a lie or a myth and now I’m in no position to take on the world as I once was, having been severely beaten, tortured and most recrntly mugged and stabbed in the past three years.

That’s not even the half of it. That’s not even what makes me sad. It’s the lack of friends I find myself enduring these days. The sadness just never goes away.

My sixth birthday

Taxonomy of an Exabyte

  • All the words ever spoken by human beings can be contained in five exabytes.

  • The first word ever spoken

    Quintillions of metadata revealing too much

    EB by the Quintillions

    “15 exabytes of data are transmitted every month.”

    and that amount is increasing exponentially, like a swarm of virtual locusts, pariahs, swaths of sward prattle babbling Paranthropus

    So who is is transmitting this data? You. Me. Artificial intelligence, real stupidity.

    Data is a set of values of subjects with respect to qualitative or quantitative variables.


    one is constantly fed and the roots grow deep while the fruit never ceases to grow, while the other is rootless and detached from any source of nutrition, and it is, therefore, blown away by the next wind that comes through.

     the presence of so many imitative words in language spawned the linguistic Bowwow Theory, which postulates that language originated in imitation of natural sounds.

    Data becomes information when it is viewed in context or in post-analysis.
    Captured data is created or generated through purposeful investigation or analysis.
    Exhaustive data is gathered usually by machines or terminals as a secondary function.

    To reiterate– she’s recalcitrant. Too many Qualified Leaks per mouth.

    Exhausting exhaustive data with things known or assumed as facts, making the basis of reasoning or calculation using swarm intelligence
    collective behaviour of a group, esp social insects such as ants, bees, and termites, that are each following very basic rules

    Net Profit Margin. Gross Margin. Cost of Customer indecision. Promoter Score. Qualified Leads.

    changes in entropy occur when two blue teeth start to “negotiate” the key length used to encrypt the connection.

    The ostriches and the vultures

    The brain trust in the big house announced that they’re not planning for the prospect of a recession out of concern that it could help precipitate a crash, said quid pro quo.

    stop that train.

    You’re incompetent


    How about that

    7 chakras
    Standing before the dark ages
    light snuffed out the hopeful faces
    faded, soft, immovable,
    she is stripped of just one of her powers

    resurrected by tomorrow




    A safe house for creativity coming soon to an algorithm near you….

    August 2019

    Hot sticky end of my 53rd year

    TV I.V.

    she strained to listen

    or was it




    An amalgamation of loss

    HERE, we found nothing

    The player sits ugly


    the ship comes in

    Lady Magdalene

    Cartoon imposters

    Hold sway

    The amount of coin changing hands

    with open air moniker abides as

    He teetered above

    before landing

    at her feet.

    The marketplace part 1 (to be continued)

    Part 2: The quadrants

    Wrangler and Peregrine

    her otak

    Just like her hero Roland in the gunslinger protected her

    with vision

    She rode the mare Misty out to the point, Chincoteague Island was in the distance.

    Part 2: the heroine’s journey

    Part 3: Glassell Park where Alayna sits in a tree overhead.

    Watching her human spirit reside.


    Don’t go walking slow

    man on fire

    The Devil’s onto you

    Fire man

    You’ll get on that talk show

    Two hundred million guns are loaded

    The sky is blue and so is the sea
    What is the color, when black is burned?
    What is the color?

    Smoke signals don’t look back & Satan’s got your back

    ponder perpetual motion

    we’ll meet

    by the red tree

    All I know is

    the one I love

    is gone

    to Zeus

    As Hera


    what’s you’re made of

    In the basement

    kiln of artist and



    What did he want with

    Man, again, she asked

    Oh you’re just a girl

    That was said

    a daily running tally

    Kept by all the schizophrenics

    she’d ever fled


    or acknowledged


    when you are homeless, persecuted, systematically suppressed- no voice or

    words mislead

    like the horse

    trying to make

    him drink

    He won’t

    He the has not

    You the wannabe

    Me aha is here

    I have an elevator pitch for St. Peter

    the existence of


    can be called into question


    but not quite Congo gutted


    Configured for this dimension

    Olive Oiler

    my baby left me, never said goodbye

    The Facts of Existence

    A Safehouse for Muses

    We may solve, circumstantially, the augmented reality of a parallel universe.

    Eurasia, a penultimate groupthink epiphany arises out of a simple equation.

    Spillover effect

    Spiraling, extreme, volatile, carbon-dated, altered sequences of DNA adapting to robo-vacs, wired rocks & the smart abacus as dimensions revert to chaos, incrementally – because

    chaos is where it goes.


    Woodpecker Project

    American scientists working for the Pentagon have published research which demonstrates how to hide history as it happens.
    A team at Cornell University working with the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (Darpa) has published a report in the journal Nature demonstrating how to hide an event for 40 trillionths of a second.

    Two beams of particles travel round this tunnel are made to collide

    The dispersion of the material is manipulated in time


    the black hole in orbit

    semantic equivocation.

    the black hole of inaccuracies

  • dark energy

  • The black hole sun

    time is invariable through all portions of the universe

    These firms support mission-critical, high bandwidth applications involving cloud-based computing utilizing machine-to-machine connectivity.


    like chips




    Saints and sinners,

    frozen dinners

    But you don’t

    can’t say how

    all that you do not know


    Tied up in a bow

    semantic equivocation.

    the blockchain-backed registry provides a decentralized mechanism for centralized mechanics’ collateral damage

  • ˈɛlzəviːr

  • Elsevier – one of the world’s major providers of technical information.
  • As opposed to non-technical disinformation.

  • Their grip on information
  • ‘includes the entire academic research lifecycle, including software and data-management, instruction and assessment tools.[4]’

    a fragile mental picture of what was happening with each step of the algorithm.

    It is Friday before memorial day

    The Traveling Twin

    The human brain is the final Frontier.

    The behavior collected by machinations now is bafflingly pervasive. It happened so fast, our collective heads: spinning.

    And yet, we are still, more or less, just spinning with our planet to create the existance of time.

    The control and the variable abide.

    The crap shoot.

    The root of back to square one.

    The inevitable, predicted demise, based solely on analysis of past situations which, by the very nature of their shared understanding, the collective consciousness of the planet in one second of this March day in the year two thousand and nineteen.



    Where was I?

    Oh yeah.

    Simultaneous time is better than stationary time, don’t you think? says Alice, the graduate student who reaked of spontaneous exchange of fluids, after hours at the lab where she gets extra credit.

    Alan considers then remands: as you know, Heather, time dilation is a difference in the elapsed time measured by two observers.

    As each is situated relative to a gravitational field, presumably pulling in proportionate measure.

    due to a velocity difference

    relative to each other.

    In relation to each other

    Bleeding over a person who can’t forgive. He astounds the relative space between them with hyperbole and hypocrisy, at a time when solidarity is all that matters.

    It exhausts her on an existential level.

    I want to be erased. I think. She hears inside her mind, during those times of deepest darkest memories, long ago relinquished but now cascading in under no pretense of co-existance this time around.

    It’s almost as if extinction were wired in.

    that is if the world survives til March 29th. If revisiting a thought when there are so many new ones will ever again come to pass.

    It’s all happening so fast, she said.

    I know, he said. Inertia is obsolete.

    Time is moving faster that’s all I know.

    Mar 29, 2019

    9:12 AM

    To sum up, the common practice (which also makes a lot of sense!) is to choose, within the set of configurations of the test that correspond to the null hypothesis, the one that gives you the highest probability of Type 1 error

    It’s mayhem on the cognitive dissonance front, ya’ll.

    You’re a dying breed, he says.

    To which she was supposed to bow or curtsy. Pliet or sashay, not sure, just do it quietly, don’t want to disturb the neighbors.


    Psuedo-Illuminati” have infiltrated major global banks, multinational companies, drug companies, global media, armament companies, the world market in hard drugs, the security services and institutions of governments.

    Conspire to Greatness

    Alaska Alan says, I have one question. Before chewing on his cud. Why haven’t they done us in already? Chomp to the beat of the song on Pandora diner music, as determined by your DNA sample swipe collected at solyent green terminals as you enter iHap.

    Hap for happiness is pancakes and unidentifable breakfast meat. i for everything is about me. So when you make it about you, I know it’s really about me. That’s how the matrix works these days. Not quite how Ursula Le Guin described and no thanks to Orwell and Ionesco.

    And yet, here we are. Wondering if T.S. Eliot was content as purported to be, due to female companion the story goes. Nietzsche not so much. Yeats, no. Keats, sort of, but Coleridge, with the fatal blow, takes everything you know before you go.


    a sleepless slumber

    that walking numbness acquired by

    individuals making up collective society

    We are no hive,

    no pride,

    no longer

    even part of any


    We are solo flights

    on the fringe of galaxies

    So huge

    someone’s forgotten

    us here.

    You’d think that’d be self-evident.

    Fair and just

    Sure, I’m sure, something’s amiss, a matter gone awry, we don’t really know how to respond, react, interpret or analyze, so we will revert to myths and religious doctrine to create a palatable narrative.

    For those who cannot accept the tenets of virtue, service and higher calling, who claim it’s servitude and pliability the lords and slave wage masters are after. And that occasional drive by where the ghetto girls have arrived like clockwork for thousands of years, where the poor are kept alive through an allure of alms, the romanticized version of the humble beggar, the hooker with a heart of gold, the junkie who doesn’t rip you off, but you still end up taking twenty out if your wallet.

    Just like sister Ray says…

    Alan P. Samuelson continued : And science certainly did nothing to help on THAT front.

    The preservation of the species one.

    What with spent rods buried in the desert of Nevada, irony intentional with Vegas burning holes in your pocket as atomic bomb tests, alien landings and nuclear “waste” stored in “spent rods” assuring the earth cannot survive without man to monitor his mess (China Syndrome came out before Love Canal).

    Atom the Antiquity

    She asked, first thing:

    Why is it that it’s only recently we’ve heard excessive use of the word cabal?

    Something to do with agenda 21, he says.

    Junior scoffs. He’s joined late, as usual.

    He is of the mindset that he doesn’t want “it” to be this way, so it isn’t.

    He reaffirms this with successive acts of genius, a penchant for profitability and possessing in excess of net worth to self worth ratio, projected and dejected returns to divestment because no one wants to give their money to a company that knowingly harms humans to turn a fast buck.

    That was the second biggest lie ever told.

    Wanna hear the first?

    It’s not that, that’s not a lie, but a philosophy. Philosophies, like faith, can be adapted to suit the geo-political temperament while mollifying any misappropriated misanthropization like Kafka, for God’s sake, or that awful as in disturbing downer Mother Courage. Don’t let the millennials #readBrecht

    The worst illiterate is the political illiterate. He hears nothing, sees nothing, takes no part in political life. He doesn’t seem to know that the cost of living, the price of beans, of flour, of rent, of medicines all depend on political decisions. He even prides himself on his political ignorance, sticks out his chest and says he hates politics. He doesn’t know, the imbecile, that from his political non-participation comes the prostitute, the abandoned child, the robber and, worst of all, corrupt officials, the lackeys of exploitative multinational corporations.

    exploitative multinational corporations and you

    I am constantly trying to communicate something incommunicable, to explain something inexplicable, to tell about something I only feel in my bones and which can only be experienced in those bones. Basically it is nothing other than this fear we have so often talked about, but fear spread to everything, fear of the greatest as of the smallest, fear, paralyzing fear of pronouncing a word, although this fear may not only be fear but also a longing for something greater than all that is fearful.


    Take note

    To make sense of anything

    One must figure it out.

    Out with the g-damn old already

    It’s the eve of a new year, two thousand and eighteen years after the death of Christ, one of a trilogy visiting us in triage, a place we seem to be fast approaching, as we speak.

    Other than Hawaii, and Samoa, we are last to know the next year.

    I’m in some kind of hell, with anger issues all around me and I’m just a stoner from Goochland, Virginia who happened to be in the New Yorker last week.

    The yelling is bad for me. The lack of any form of patience and the jail house rock. Training for trauma. Again and ago and more system install.

    “Which country has New Year first – New Year 2019 and last uninhabited places to observe New Year 2019 – 12 hour format World Time Zone”


    So here’s to the nineteenth may it be our last chance since 2020 the sources of the sources say it’s all over now.

    It’s been a year of onslaught and I iSsubordination, firings and I quits from our pillars of piety, trust and wisdom.

    Yeah right.

    We walked the talk

    Activate another device


    Now we belong to someone else™️

    Switch accounts

    Registered to the wrong me