Body Dismorphia R Us

if men hate your skinny body

Here’s a reason to kill yourself

Seems to be the message

Morning Melancholy

prior ambivalence towards the lost one prevents this from occurring

I was able to fight through the depths to kick and bray, stay a head above water.

that is all.


that is not quite enough

but it will do for today




In his 1917 essay “Mourning and Melancholia”, Freud drew a distinction between mourning, painful but an inevitable part of life, and “melancholia”, his term for pathological refusal of a mourner to “decathect” from the lost one.

Freud claimed that, in normal mourning, the ego was responsible for narcissistically detaching the libido from the lost one as a means of self-preservation, but that in “melancholia,” prior ambivalence towards the lost one prevents this from occurring.

Suicide, Freud hypothesized, could result in extreme cases, when unconscious feelings of conflict became directed against the mourner’s own ego.


  • A psychic cost is a subset of social costs that specifically represent the costs of added stress or losses to quality of life;
  • In Mark A. Runco and Ruth Richards’ book Eminent Creativity, Everyday Creativity, and Health, they argue that creative people face psychic costs when they are thinking up new ideas, because the mental process drains them emotionally, and because there is a social stigma associated with being different, and being an artist;
  • When the military realized that soldiers faced such high psychic costs from killing people, they began developing strategies to encourage more soldiers to kill their targets;
  • [as usual] the literature to this point has been inconclusive with regard to how one’s lifetime experiences of relatedness may be related to how much individuals value additional or new experiences of relatedness. 
  • Purportedly, when some people in a community own guns, it “imposes psychic costs on most other members of the community”.
  • The anti-gun analyst claims“eighty-five percent of non-gun-owners report they would feel less safe if more people in their community acquired guns; only 8% would feel more safe.”
  • This is purportedly because non gun-owners would worry about guns being used in the neighbourhood. MAKES NO SENSE> it’s the kid who’s had the police over 18 times or was it 29, who the police, in their usual efficacy, ignore, so he kills 17 people. That’s about as big a failure as why the school administrators didn’t have some sort of system for keeping a student suspended for violence off their fucking campus. DUH. And now the NRA will be the reason the gov’t takes our guns, puts us in camps, buries us in those Jesse Ventura FEMA caskets all over the heartland. WHY they are waiting is the question.


  1. Perceived psychic costs can cause customers to delay or forgo purchases that they are considering.
  2. Customers have many areas of perceived psychic costs in regards to making purchases. UM, LIKE POVERTY, OR CHOOSING BETWEEN FOOD, HOUSING, CLOTHES AND TRANSPO.
  3.       for a guitar enthusiast or a model railroad hobbyist, 
Some jobs pay poorly, such as beach resorts, guitar stores, model train stores, and small colleges, but they always have applicants, because the jobs provide a substantial psychic benefit to the applicants. 

Slate writer Steven Landsburg argues that “psychic costs shouldn’t count because they’re too easy to exaggerate. Anyone can claim to have suffered $1 million worth of emotional distress, but we have no way of knowing which claims are simply fabricated.”

I really have come to hate the writers of Slate, but that’s for a far more personal reason that the dude started a rumor that Trump had off-ed me because at the time they were dogging me for a misquote, I was dealing with a criminal landlord, a psycho stalker and a massive refugee flight from any semblance normal life after LAPD tortured me and executed a nasty, traumatizing false arrest that will affect me for the rest of my life.

so fuck you steven landsburg i can measure my emotional distress and it’s about

$ 225, 000 and counting. You think the woman who couldn’t even show up for a restitution hearing Haydee or Heidi Darleen fat fuck Mana lard can pay me back for all the pain and suffering and actually monetary loss and nerve damage, and chronic pain and oh the effects of the heat from Ponce and Gomez, LAPD officers put on trial for making false police reports all over town (they were the ones who tortured me), the ‘arresting officer’ just did stupid things like say, if she, the fat fuck Haydee, identifies you, you’re going to jail.


That is July 2016. I was going to see my mother.

This June I am supposed to help my mother, who now can’t care for herself, move from the place she loved and had planned to die quietly in peace.


My uncle died while I was in jail for a false arrest.


This would be psychic cost, I would say to that Slate fuck.


I have anger management tomorrow so the judge can say, “I can make this all go away” with their requisite god-complex and low IQ. You’d have to be dumb to spend your life upholding the lie of the law.


Have a nice day.




Hypothesis of relationship

Present Hedonism is defined by Zimbardo’s time perspective theory and assessed by Zimbardo Time Perspective Inventory. Developmental data on Present Hedonism of males and females in the Czech population sample (N=2201) are also presented.

Present Hedonism

as opposed to past Hedonism

is much more restrained

could even be considered


Still there was nothing to indicate her time space continnuum could ever be reconciled with the “reality” around her.

The “manic depressive” is cursed with a bearish cycle of inspired mania when he invents foam rubber but forgets to register the patent that lasts three months followed by a depressive state, the first time a punishing fall from grace for that first spark of celestial insight, clarity of vision shared by the guru, shaman, kahuna, and “spiritual advisors,” alike.

The depression cycle lasts three times longer, no explanation, just accepted.

Those three times three sections to counteract the three times one seems completely unfair.

The book continues to argue that this descent into psychosis is both inevitable and immutable for those “unfortunate enough” to be in that percentile of “the population.”

Stop the anger the postcard, regaling the effects of location, said, in a not particularly unfamiliar voice. Not quite chiding, but not all that empathetic either. Like everyone you encounter in a day. They can’t quite encourage you as their generic genetic predisposition is to want to kill you.

You, on the other hand, profess to be interested in the teachings of Gandhi (while reading Malcolm X), teach peace & generally feel the pain of others. It’s the specific parts that trouble the mind. The specificity of the person’s experience all gets a bit messy after all.

•present hedonism

And Hedonism Just walks out

On display

In presentation mode

For now

Today, I might have told…


something other than the usual obfuscation

A minion in the making

obsidian sorted pieces to pick up

  1. Pele and the prolonged prologue

  1. admission of guilt

  1. Confessional 1026:

  1. Today , I broke


  • predictive text

  • The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.

  • today


The grace of heart

The strong of conviction

The one who’s got your back

  1. Thanks be a good time
  2. 2. Shots of the royal family heard apex of glory

Preface: precautions and predators

  1. Transition Me🛶
  2. Sitting on a confused cornflake sandwich

If you’re lucky and smart, your organization already has a strategy in place for dealing with nearly every crisis that could possibly occur. But even if that’s the case, you have to quickly determine what to do in this particular situation. And that’s made more difficult by the fact that your fight-or-flight response has been triggered, so every fiber of your being is telling you do something–anything–right now.

Breaking silent

Not silence by God that never belonged to get anyway. Funny how the word Martian sounded so much Kinder than ‘natural’ child.

Zoom a zoom a spoon a tomb

Chapter 🖕Teo


Hell behind heaven below

I’ll be gone
before the end


Me, myself & A.i.

The bots via birds are Dai day sassy add add as the wine cross mark may Mary like Luke and John McCain has been a while to respond #with a fewer people #who are you doing to help you with the man who is the best way to get the best way to get the best way of doing business

Weeks fiasco #fiasco #artificeoffice

The Year is made of oxidation and Almost incomprehensible

Bit by bit you get torn away

Made into some other forgotten form

Salt water and sweet plum juice

Valid for the record

Value for the day

She Wed on a Saturday


divorced the following Sabbath

Reading “A few good men” with Zora Neale Hurston fables yet to make

When she fell

she fell hard

When I wake up

I’m Afraid

Somebody else


Take my place


You make me wanna die, right when I

When I wake up I’m afraid,

somebody else might take my place

Parents are the Problem

Indeed, I thought, no truer words had been spoken on this day, with anxiety covering the ground, always slipping, always losing what you’d gained. Why is that? Oh do not ask how or why or even when? Just go and forget about the wondering.