Day 4 is 12 

The countdown begins. The myth gets perpetuated so that anyone not fulfilled by the hegemony of ideas feels vacant and lacking, in some way infinitely sad. 

Walking around the ‘fair’ for local artisans, at first, as with almost everything of late, a specific memory hit me:  the Virginia Beach Waterfowl Festival with my father the feather painter, my mother the boss of everyone, and my best friend who was way wilder than me at 11. Things change.

I went because I told the man who sold me the vintage jean jacket that I wanted to buy handmade ornaments (since realistically the most I could pull off this year would be strands of popcorn, I thought I’d support some Christmas fair and get poorly painted ornaments from some 4th grade class to remind me of home).

Instead it was level 4 hipster fair, level 4 being the ones who’ve made it and live on the other side of Sunset. The rich ones who wear thick sweaters to get the disheveled smug look. They never move out of the way for anyone because they have a small dog with wiry fur who is leading them right through you as if you are nobody.

If you were someone, they’d stop and wait til you passed to deconstruct every flaw they can muster and make sure they confirmed their superiority by NOT being you. It gets oppressive. I mean I wanted to get my $ 10 admittance-fee’s-worth but in under 15 minutes, I had seen all the overpriced things I don’t need for the day.
What exactly were those two guys yelling in Korean as I tried to get past scowling chick with her dog who took up the entire sidewalk next to the tarot reading cube truck?

The idea for this month was an advent calendar countdown of some sort of  life lessons or  hidden truths behind the little door.

Today gave way to the community within. We go out seeking communion in the spirit of the season and feel more isolated than before. Tis the season.


I know I am only what I show you

pieces  you take 

and then twist 

as suits your own

most personal gain
the saddest refrain

comes with the pain

subsides upon forgetting 

dissipates with blood letting 

leaves one day 

without a scratch 


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