So it’s rainy and will be cold tonight, 34 degrees. I am, as often, woefully unprepared. If I could afford it, I would hire a moving company, once and for all, to have all my former time and space with me at one time and place–instead of, when I have time and the place to go thru all the chaos of the past 6 years, I don’t have things with me. When I am in a box in the city where I have settled, I have not the wherewithal to organize the details of a life, unravelled, by design? Whose? And if so, he/she is indeed a cruel overlord.
But that, I honestly don’t believe–save that story for another day. When will it be that I want to wake up, I rejoice in the day ahead, instead of a quiet dread (some days worse than others). Where did all the dreams go?
So I found OhNo! coffee shop, it’s on a side street amidst the brick and mortar. And it was your typical Maine coffee shop, in a little shack in the middle of houses, playing the radio. It reminded me of the coffee shop in Boothbay Harbor that was short-lived but that was part of that four-month recovery where I re-charged, in time to get kicked back down after 13 months in L.A.
And here I am again, in the weather I love, dark and rainy, like my mood. I woke up thinking, what do I really want? And, it always comes down to three, as if that were all we are allowed, per the genie. It was a home, a house, that was mine, a place for me and my loved one(s); the freedom and ability to travel (Paris always comes to mind, the one place I would love to see before this all ends) and I can’t recall the third. I think it had to do with not being financially beholden, strapped, being able to do what I want when I want.
That’s it for the morning pages. A discipline I can keep at, if I keep going to bed at 8:45 p.m. Unlikely. But the breaker is broken to the tv and I am still tired from my life in L.A.