State of Things

Perhaps it’s just a defense mechanism but I am numb. I have no hope, I have no faith (sorry God, I am no Job) and I have no interest in anything. (That is a lie or I wouldn’t be writing, I suppose, but I honestly am excited for nothing). It’s too hard to support myself, I have a wasted life and not for lack of trying. I did try, that’s what seems to make it more unbearable for me. I am tired of begging to be hired. I am tired of being treated poorly. I am tired of the whole rigamarole and wish I hadn’t gone this route because now I don’t know how to get away from it, because if I could, I would be running as fast as I could away from the sheisters and swindlers who dot the landscape that is known as ‘entertainment.’ I’ll never get what I want despite positive thinking techniques (don’t blame me, already done that). I just want out, in a big way, and to be erased from the books. Nothing would make me ‘happier.’ I suppose that’s nihilism, at its best. Sorry if I depressed anyone. Just had to say this, this is how I feel. I would do myself in but I don’t want any suffering of any kind, I just want to go to sleep and not have to wake up.

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