A minister suggested I return to the practice of doing my ‘morning pages’ from The Artist’s Way but I really feel like I have nothing to say that won’t just be kvetching about how much of a struggle it is just to survive. I am really over it. Meanwhile, a hurricane bears down on part of the already-battered-and-bruised Gulf Coast and there is so much need in the world, it makes me sick. To not be able to find work in a field to which you have dedicated over ten years of blood, sweat and tears is demoralizing at best.
The discrepancies in the world are overwhelming, who does well and who does not rarely have much to do with actual merit (although those who ‘win’ always take credit for their good fortune, connections and breaks in life while declaring how those on the short end of the stick have simply made ‘bad choices’).
So here it is, I didn’t want to kvetch but I am so tired of looking for work and barely being able to make it month-to-month. I’m done and over it. But I have no ‘choice’ except to go on and on and on with the absurdity…and that makes me restless, despondent and very distracted. I just want to pursue a meaningful purpose in life — why is it that the zombies seem to be the ones who get ahead?