Looking for the next book to sink into


Thoughts on choosing the right book for your state of mind

I am browsing through a few ‘soft’ reads like ‘Getting the Job You want” and ‘Start Late, Get Respectably well if not rich than at least better than it looked like it was gonna be closing in on 40, and knitting books, the poetry of Bukowski, but I’d love to sink myself into a novel like Bridge of Sighs which just captured my attention and communicated the way I do, which is rare and amazes and inspires me to get away from a purely subconscious cesspool of images, impressions, partial analyses of date because no resolution can ever be reached in a vacuum, no matter how many self-help servings you can consume in one setting.

I am in a little bit of a quandary as to knowing what I want, but I don’t know how to get there, just like Jimi Hendrix sand, that about summed it up.

So my goals have become part and parcel with breathing and just being mindful induces anxiety that’s not there when day-to-day survival consumes your every thought, bled into automatic action, one foot in front of the other up that one half block to Hollywood Boulevard where the bands practiced above the Thai restaurant; you’d hear a cacaphony of drums and lead guitar riffs competing for synergy never arrived out until the leavening action of the bass and hopefully some other percussionary aspect, a powerful vocal harmony and synthesizing zone, the chance to move your body, without falling, sing the chorus coz it means something, brings back some part of your life you remember or understand and can find some peace in sharing the experience, however metaphorically, it’s the beauty of being mindful, pulling together human emotion, flinging it off, flinchingly, to be singular, authentic but sinking into the soil and growing with the crop, harvesting your contributions to re-sow, water, feed, sing to, help grow and encourage to thrive.

goal # 1: Encourage others to thrive

goat # 2: positive vibration in intention, reaction should adjust more quickly not hold onto anger but allow to wash over like a little rogue wave, feeling the power reminds us we are alive, not perfect little dalai lama deepak chopra oprah bono red gap conglomerate of well-meaning messages on the t-shirt of false prophets, coming soon to a theater near you.

goat # 3: to hone my creative skills and abilities, more focus, more training, more alignment

goal # 4, not goat, this time: more spiritual commitment to practice; actually believing it; looking for an anchor, church maybe, bible study online, recontact radical jesus maverick minister

goat # 4: practice less ecess, already doing a little better on that, day by day, some backsliding, but it’s being mindful of my tendencies, denial being the driving force, trying to reign in, especially when linked to some kind emotional turmoil, kept at a pretty steady 4.7 – 5.8 range, with peaks up at 7 occasionally, very rarely is the urge to erase myself coming up, but I must say it is always in this confined space, which I would like to migrate away from within 60 days, to a bigger, more open space where I can do my work, keep an extra room for out-of-towners to crash and work on projects, so space for screening room, edit bay, sweeting session booth, sound proof recording room.

a kitchen with a middle island, space to cook with others, 2 ovens, old school fire pit, slow cook option, weekend retreats like we used to have those Sundays at Ben Lomand where the world changed and big ideas floated about amidst antique cabinets and the most beautifully crafted tables at every turn, a practical yet elegant wardrobe, mirrors surrounded in rich textured wood, red or brown, carved spectacularly, the endless turns and twists through floors of one aged someone’s-beloved object, with stories to tell but they cannot speak, I swear that’s why the whole clairvoyent to touch thing could be kinda cool as one of my superhero psychic friends’ powers.

he’s got psychic in training girl leaving high school for community college but needs to go to Harvard; she saves him on designated points throughout the series; finally agrees to go to college, but not Harvard, chooses St. John’s Great books instead, masters in cultural anthropology and psycho-social mental predilections, developing psychic abilities [the ones you want, minimizing the ones  you don’t care for as much but have to deal with anyway, how they can support one another, mentally and with different ‘sensitivities’ — he is a BLOCKED SORCERER MOLD, model 974, an ancient brand that came our nearly perfect on the first try, 2 little tweaks over a 2-year period and viola! The catch: you don’t want too many of them walking around, they will start to over-modulate their specially-tuned frequency and start, literally, banging their heads against the wall — the idea is to put them in BORDERLINE positions, in areas that deal with society at large — healers, teachers, wisdom-keepers, changers, interpreters, people who help progress, the making better of life on earth for humans so we can share what is good about humanity with the universe, and perpetuate positive traits of mankind.

More on that later.

The book that started this off was The Evolution of God, and any book that starts off with “The Primordial Faith” and then goes into the native people of Siberia, an immediate conjecture, a place in the mind, first succulent then barren when the myths of wishful thinking get subsumed by what you know to be true, over time, through personal and therefore subjective and unable to truly be trusted, verified and analyzed as reliable data for assessing any proof of evolutionary status [I’d like to think it exists in layers: THE PHYSICAL – bodybuilders, Olympic swimmers, US Open tennis players, running backs, dancers, yogi masters; THE MENTAL — the scientists, inventors, philosophers, rhetoric builders, soothsayers, librarians, historians, documentarians, wrtiers and poets-at-large; doctors, lawyers, developers of products, by-products, paths and concepts that come to fruition and shuck them shitloads of pay dirt, yeah, I’d say their brains are worth admiring: THE PSYCHO-SOCIAL PRE-AMBIENT PROPONENTS OF UNDERSTANDING, JOY AND MOVING ONWARD AND UPWARD, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE ENLIGHTENED ONES, WHO SOMETIMES MAKE MISTAKES BUT GAIN THIS STATUS THROUGH TESTS AND TRIUMPHS, INDUCTEES CAN BE SUSPENDED FOR BACKSLIDING BUT RE-ADMITTED EASILY ON THE SLIGHTEST NOTION OF REDEMPTION.

Those are the people we admire, they change society, somehow, by communicating to a wide range of people who need to be brought together.

They also work behind-the-scenes.

They sometimes do what needs to be done.

They always consider intent, bring forth three core values, whenever making a difficult decision that effects another’s life in some negative way.

The obligation to be kind and comforting as much as possible.

To try to make yourself better every day, to apologize when you are in the wrong, to forgive yourself, and try to stay on track.

There will be negative vibrations to keep you on your toes, there is temptation, bad habits always come around like a hungry dog, you can’t be perfect all the time, the pressure finally made you crack.

So this is my morning pages entry of 09.10.2009

I think I did good

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